We are returning to a series we began some time ago called Storm Proof. The book of Proverbs is a book of wisdom, written to help the readers live wisely. We spent some time going through the first couple chapters of Proverbs where Solomon gives various teachings about the importance of wisdom. The book of Proverbs talks very practically and directly about different issues in life that can either help us or hurt us. One area that the Proverbs speak directly about is the problem of anger. We can feel discouraged by our anger. We might even think that there is nothing we can do about the problem of anger in our lives. We can look at our upbringing and say that we learned to be angry people and so there is nothing we can do to change. We can look at our culture and say that because we have a certain cultural background that we cannot help but have anger. We can look at our anger and blame others for it. If other people didn’t do what they did, then we would not be so angry. We can have a lot of reasons why we see anger in our lives and we might have a lot of excuses and justifications for our anger. But the scripture are clear that every person has control over their anger. God makes it very clear that anger does not need to control you. Here are just a couple scriptures that shows how our anger is a decision.
Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. (Ephesians 4:31 ESV)
But now you must put them all away: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk from your mouth. (Colossians 3:8 ESV)
If anger was something that was out of our control, then God would be unjust to tell us to put anger, wrath, and clamor away from our lives. God does not tell us to put away anger unless you grew up in an angry household. God does not say that you need to put away anger unless you have a certain cultural background. God does not provide for us any justification for not dealing with the anger within us. What we are going to do in our lesson today is consider from the Proverbs how to heal anger. What does God teach us about how to overcome anger? How can we get control over anger rather than anger controlling us? So let’s look at what Solomon teaches about how to heal from anger.
Quick Anger Is Foolish
One of the important points that Solomon teaches is that being quick to anger shows foolishness.
A quick-tempered person acts foolishly, and one who schemes is hated. (Proverbs 14:17 CSB)
One who is slow to anger has great understanding; But one who is quick-tempered exalts foolishness. (Proverbs 14:29 NASB)
I want us to carefully think about how Solomon teaches us this first point. Solomon does not say that a quick-tempered person might make some bad decisions from time to time. Rather, Solomon strongly tells us the reality. A person with a quick temper acts foolishly. A person who is quick-tempered puts foolishness on full display. The Hebrew word for “exalts” has the sense of bringing it to the forefront for all to see. We are going to say things and do things that are completely foolish when we are quick-tempered. God is trying to teach us a reality. Being a person who can quickly become angry is going to bring ruin to yourself. We are not going to make smart or good decisions when we get angry quickly. One of the key points that we do not think about regarding our anger is how destructive it is. We can absolutely destroy ourselves because we are quick-tempered. We can get ourselves in trouble at work. We can make poor decisions in our fury. We fail to lack perspective and clarity because we are just so angry. Quick anger is foolish and means you will act foolishly. People will see that you do not have great understanding. People will see your foolishness on full display in your quick anger. We can heal anger when we see what difficulties anger is causing to ourselves.
Anger Causes Problems
The Proverbs now explain that our anger causes all kinds of problems for ourselves and for others.
An angry person stirs up strife, and a hot-tempered person abounds in wrongdoing. (Proverbs 29:22 NASB)
If you have been foolish, exalting yourself, or if you have been devising evil, put your hand on your mouth. For pressing milk produces curds, pressing the nose produces blood, and pressing anger produces strife. (Proverbs 30:32-33 ESV)
Solomon teaches that our anger only causes more problems. We want to think that our anger solves problems. We think that we are taking care of problems and bringing solutions through our anger. But God is telling us that we are not. Rather than causing resolution, we are causing strife and deeper problems. Anger does not bring peace. Anger brings strife. Anger produces hatred. Anger produces conflict.
The imagery in Proverbs 30:33 is very helpful. The churning of milk produces butter. In ancient times, cream as put into an animal skin and that bag was swung, shaken, and rocked to cause the fat to separate. In more modern times the cream was put into a barrel or container and the stick was put into it and you would constantly quickly move the stick up and down to churn the cream to butter. Do you see the imagery of constantly poking someone? Do you see the image of shaking and pushing? So also with the second image. Keep pressing and twisting the nose and you will produce blood. Now the image is brought to its conclusion. Your anger is producing conflict and strife. The pressing and the pushing of anger is not causing resolution but trouble. Anger does not accomplish what we want. We might be able to generate an immediate outcome that we want. But you accomplished that outcome out of fear. Now your spouse is afraid of you. Now your children are afraid of you. Now your friends are afraid of you. Now your coworkers are afraid of you. That is not what you were trying to accomplish if you are a godly person. Your anger is causing resentment, strife, and hatred. Do you want your family to hide from you because of your anger? Are all the doors closed because you are just churning your anger to others, constantly poking and provoking? Your anger does not build relationships. Your anger does not bring healing and peace. Your anger provokes and brings destruction.
But I want to bring our attention back to verse 32 because the connection is important. Verse 33 is connected to verse 32. Verse 32 and verse 33 do not appear to be connected but the word “for” is there at the beginning of verse 33 to show the thought is connected. Notice that verse 32 begins by describing the person as being foolish and exalting self. This is all that anger is. Anger is selfish thinking. The reason anger causes problems is that it does not have care for the other person. All that anger thinks about is self. Anger is about how what you did affected me. Anger does not solve problems but creates problems. We can heal anger when we see what our anger is doing to others.
Anger Shows a Lack of Restraint
Further, our anger shows that we lack self-control. Listen to what the Proverbs teach:
A fool gives full vent to his spirit, but a wise man quietly holds it back. (Proverbs 29:11 ESV)
Fools show their annoyance at once, but the prudent overlook an insult. (Proverbs 12:16 NIV)
A fool does not hold back. Fools just let loose. They give full vent to what they are feeling and thinking. What is amazing is we can use this very language to justify our anger. We will say things like, “I just needed to vent.” The Proverbs tell us that a fool does that. The wise person quietly holds it back. Let me say something about the wisdom of God against the wisdom of the world. The wisdom of the world says that you have to give full vent to what you are feeling or you are going to explode one day or cause damage to yourself. I want us to consider that this is not at all what God said. God did not say you need to vent it out. God tells us to do the opposite. The wise person will quietly hold back what is in their spirit. You do not have to let it. You do not have to give people a piece of your mind. You do not have to say everything you are thinking. You can hold it back.
Further, we are told to just overlook whatever dishonorable thing that has just happened to you. The prudent person is able to just overlook the insult. But a fool immediately shows their annoyance. Now I want us to think about how we can do this without words, but with sounds and actions. We will make a sound to show our annoyance. We will make a gesture to show our displeasure. We want to make sure that our displeasure is immediately registered. We might roll our eyes, rub our face, or do something to make sure people know we are not happy. God is telling us to stop this. Just overlook what you are annoyed about. Just let slide what you are angry about. Just ignore what has displeased you. We can do this! We have the power to just overlook it. Fools do not let things go. Fools are unwilling to ignore what has happened. The prudent person can stay calm and overlook the perceived insult. Healing anger means we will see that we do not need to respond to everything that happens against us.
Anger Is Contagious
Finally, the Proverbs teach us that anger is contagious. Listen to this important instruction in Proverbs 22.
Don’t make friends with an angry person, and don’t be a companion of a hot-tempered one, or you will learn his ways and entangle yourself in a snare. (Proverbs 22:24-25 CSB)
I want us to think about what was just taught in reference to ourselves. How many friends and companions would you have if everyone practiced this instruction? Would you have any friends left? Would you have any family left? Would anyone want to be near you? But now I want us to notice the reason why this instruction is given. The reason is that anger is contagious. You will learn to be an angry person. You will learn that anger is the way of life and cause all the destruction to yourself that we have learned about in this lesson. I hope that none of us would want anyone to learn our angry habits. How sad that we teach our children to act this way because this is how we handle life! Your anger is teaching others to be angry. Rather than showing Jesus, you are showing anger. Our anger does not produce the righteousness of God (cf. James 1:20).
Healing Anger
So what are the steps we need to take to heal from being angry people? First, know that we can control our anger. Anger is not out of our ability to control. The apostle Paul taught this.
Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil. (Ephesians 4:26-27 ESV)
Every part of that sentence says we have control. We can control our anger but we choose not to. If we are going to take the first steps to stop being angry people, we must admit that we can control ourselves and we have been wrong for being quick-tempered. Second, venting our spirit, being hot-tempered, and being easily annoyed is not acceptable to God. God expects us to learn wisdom and not vent our spirits. No matter what happens to us, we do not have the right to explode with anger, vent our spirit, yell and scream, slam or throw things, or any other actions or words because of our temper. We are just causing more strife and problems. We are certainly not showing Jesus when we do these things. Finally, we are only destroying ourselves by letting anger rule over our lives. We are going to make foolish decisions. We are going to make sinful decisions. We are going to hurt the people we love. We are going to make our lives even harder when we let anger be in charge. Get anger under control. Choose to be slow to anger. Choose to think about others rather than ourselves first. Control your emotions. Control your anger. Show the righteousness of God in your life. God asked a very important question to his prophet Jonah that we should hear God asking us. “Do you do well to be angry?” (Jonah 4:4).