We knew something was wrong but we did not know what. After having two other children, we knew that there was something that was not quite right. Our concerns were dismissed but we knew something was amiss with our third child. We went to all kinds of specialists, trying to determine what was the cause of the problem. Doctor after doctor, office visit after office visit, but still no answer. Maybe it was nothing. Maybe everything will be okay. But as we sat the doctor’s office with a geneticist in Miami, she brought us the bad news. The tests have confirmed that your daughter has Prader-Willi syndrome. I had never heard of this before. What is it? What does this mean? Is there a cure? Is there a treatment? How did this happen? What did we do wrong? Are they sure that this is right? What now? So we left the doctor’s office, walked to the car, and started the 90 minute drive home. There are no words to describe the various emotions that came over us. There were no words to say. There were no answers, no help, no comfort, and no way forward.
We are beginning a new series where we are going to look about grief and pain from the perspective of the scriptures. Our culture tells us that we need to be happy and we do not have time for sadness. We cannot have funerals anymore. Instead we have celebrations of life. We are told not to grieve but to just be happy. Grin and bear it. Fake it till you make it. Further, if you have sadness, then you need to take some medication so that you can be happy again. We might be tempted to believe that Christians are always supposed to be happy and cheerful. We even have a song in our song books that tells us if the skies above gray and you are feeling blue, sing and you will be happy. Is it okay to grieve? Is it okay to hurt? Is it okay to feel emotional turmoil? There is a whole book in our copies of God’s word called Lamentations. To lament is to express deep sorrow and grief. Lamenting is not just feeling sorrow and grief, but expressing it. This is what the book of Lamentations is. Lamentations is a book that expresses in words the extraordinary grief of God’s people. Not only this, but more than one-third of the Psalms can be classified as psalms of lament. They are psalms that express in words deep sorrow, grief, and pain. The goal of this series is to see how we are to lament. What is the godly way to express our deep sorrow and pain? What does it look like to remain faithful while experiencing overwhelming grief?
The book of Lamentations takes us on a journey of grief. On the slide you will see that I am calling this the mountain of lament. There are five lamentations (expressions of grief) in the book and each lamentation moves the reader along in the process of grief. At the base of the mountain we begin with honesty in Lamentations 1. As we climb the mountain we see the struggle in Lamentations 2. Then we come to the peak of the mountain in Lamentations 3 where the author experiences hope. Next we move down the other side of the mountain to acceptance in Lamentations 4. Finally, we land at the base of the other side of the mountain of lament with restoration in Lamentations 5. These terms will make more sense as we go through this series. But I want us to have a visual of the journey the writer of Lamentations is going to take us on as we lament. This study is not a reliance on human psychology. Rather, this study is a reliance on God’s word that is going to show us the journey as we climb up and over the mountain of grief in our lives.
It is also important to observe that these lamentations are not completely linear. You are going to read the author of Lamentations move forward in a circular motion. He is going to say things in the fourth lament that are found in the first lament. But this is the nature of grief. Grief is not a straight line upward but a circular movement as we try to understand and move forward in our hurt. I want you to be aware of this so that, when you see me skipping some of the themes and messages in one lament, you will know that we may be addressing those ideas in a future lament.
No Comfort (Lamentations 1:2,9,16,17,21)
The overwhelming theme of Lamentations 1 is that there is no comfort and utter loneliness. Five times the author says that there is no comfort for their grief. Look at Lamentations 1:2, “There is no one to comfort her.” Look at Lamentations 1:9, “She has no comforter.” Then look at Lamentations 1:16, “For a comforter is far from me.” Next, look at Lamentations 1:17, “Zion stretches out her hands, but there is none to comfort her.” Finally, Lamentations 1:21, “They heard my groaning, yet there is no one to comfort me.” The repetition of this first lament is that there is no comfort. No one can comfort. No one will comfort. Comfort is far away from me. This is where every person starts in their grief. There is nothing anyone can say. There is nothing anyone can do. There is no comfort coming. I cannot even look out into the distance and hope for comfort. All that I have is pain and there is no relief. What Lamentations 1 is showing us is that anguish is acceptable. It is okay to grieve. It is acceptable to have anguish. There is nothing wrong when we feel uncomfortable in our hurt. This is a truth that we see in the New Testament also. Listen to the apostle Paul:
For I wrote to you out of much affliction and anguish of heart and with many tears, not to cause you pain but to let you know the abundant love that I have for you. (2 Corinthians 2:4 ESV)
Paul says that when he was writing to these Christians, he was experiencing much affliction, anguish of heart, and many tears. Though an apostle, Paul had internal turmoil as he was doing the work God had given him to do. Paul would also tell these Christians that he lived among them in weakness, in fear, and much trembling (cf. 1 Corinthians 2:3). We are also told that Jesus experienced anguish when he was on the brink of his betrayal, arrest, and crucifixion. Luke 22:44 records, “Being in anguish, he prayed for fervently, and his sweat became like drops of blood falling to the ground” (CSB). Not only this, when Jesus returns to his disciples, he finds them sleeping, “exhausted from their grief” (Luke 22:45). The Christian does not have to keep a stiff upper lip. The Christian can experience and express grief and anguish. When the apostle Paul wrote to the Thessalonians about their grief regarding those who had died, he did not say that these should not have grief. Rather, Paul says that we have a different kind of grief. We have sorrow and grief, but we do not grieve without hope.
But we do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about those who are asleep, that you may not grieve as others do who have no hope. (1 Thessalonians 4:13 ESV)
Permission To Cry To God
So what does this initial grief look like? How does the author of Lamentations teach us how to grieve and sorrow? Lamentations 1 gives us the permission to grieve. The grief begins with the word, “How!” (Lamentations 1:1). In Hebrew, this word is used as an exclamation of lament. It could be translated, “Alas!” It is a commonly used first word in laments found in the scriptures (cf. Isaiah 1:21; Jeremiah 48:17; Lamentations 2:1; 4:1; Ezekiel 26:17; 2 Samuel 1:19). How! How can this be! How could this happen! How lonely sits the city! How can the one who was great among the nations be like a widow! How can the princess become a slave! (Lamentations 1:1). What we see the author doing is asking the Lord to see what they are experiencing. In verse 4 we see the priests are groaning, the young women are grieving, and the people are in bitter anguish. In verse 12 we read the author proclaiming that they have the greatest sorrow. “Look and see if there is any sorrow like my sorrow!” In verse 13 he proclaims that the Lord has left him stunned, faint all the day long. In verse 16 the author says, “For these things I weep; my eyes flow with tears.” Notice verse 20, “Look, O Lord, for I am in distress; my stomach churns; my heart is wrung within me.” Lamentations 1 is just an overflow of emotions to God.
I want to point out something important that is said in verse 20 and it is something noted throughout these lamentations. The grief and sorrow that Jerusalem is experiencing is because of their sins. Now I want to make sure we see this point for two reasons. First, as we study grief and sorrow in these lamentations I do not want you to think that these messages do not apply to you if you are suffering from the consequences of your sins. Their sorrow is because they have sinned against the Lord. So if you are suffering because of your sins, you are not removed from the ability to grieve and sorrow. You are not excluded to being able cry to God. Second, I want to realize that if these lamentations were written to people who were grieving because of their sins, then if you are grieving and sorrowful and it is NOT because of your sins, then you most certainly have this avenue of lamentations given to you. If they can cry out to God in their pain because of their sins, then we certainly can cry out to God in our pain when it is not because of our sins. Whether our sorrow is because of our own decisions or whether our sorrow is because of events that are not caused by sin, we have permission to cry out to God. But the key is to cry out to God.
I want to make an important distinction at this point as we begin to conclude this lesson. What is the difference between complaining and lamenting? Is there a difference between complaining and lamenting? We are going to answer these questions as we go through this series. But there are two key differences that we see in Lamentations 1. First, complaining to others is not lamenting. You will notice throughout chapter 1 that the author is lamenting to the Lord. In Lamentations 1:9 the author cries to God to see their affliction. In Lamentations 1:11 the author again cries to the Lord to look and see how they are despised. In Lamentations 1:20 the author cries to the Lord to look and see how he is in distress. Biblical lamenting is to our cries to the Lord, not to complain to everyone else about the Lord or about others. Second, lamenting is faith-filled while complaining is faithless. Notice in Lamentations 1:18 that the people proclaim that the Lord is in the right. Their cries are not a rejection of the Lord. They are not criticizing God, challenging his authority, or slandering his character. They are taking their pain to the Lord while acknowledging that the Lord is right. The Lord has not done me wrong, even though I am filled with sorrow and grief.
Messages
So what can we do when sorrow and grief come into our lives? First, we should allow the grieved to speak. We see so many lamentations in the scriptures. People were expressing their pain and sorrow. We do not need to try to fix them when they are hurting. Rather, we should follow what the scriptures tell us to do. “Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep” (Romans 12:15). Sometimes the only thing you can do is weep with those who weep. The best thing you can do is weep with those who weep.
Second, God is right. God has not done anyone wrong. God is not even tempted to do evil (James 1:13). In our pain we must remember that God has not done anything wrong by us. Complaining says or implies that God has done us wrong in our lives.
Finally, pray your pain. Lamenting is to take your pain to God. You can be honest with God. You can be honest with others. Tell God your sorrows. Ask him how this could be. Ask him to see your suffering. Tell him what you are going through. Lament takes pain to God. Friends, no one is more ready or better equipped to walk with you in grief than Jesus. He is the man of sorrows and acquainted with grief (cf. Isaiah 53:3).