The purpose of Job’s three friends coming to see Job was to offer him comfort and sympathy (cf. Job 2:11). The friends have had many things to say to Job by the time we come to Job 16. Job has not found his friends to sympathizers or comforters. Listen to what Job says:
Then Job answered and said: “I have heard many such things; miserable comforters are you all. Shall windy words have an end? Or what provokes you that you answer? I also could speak as you do, if you were in my place; I could join words together against you and shake my head at you. I could strengthen you with my mouth, and the solace of my lips would assuage your pain. (Job 16:1-5 ESV)
Job calls his friends “miserable comforters.” All of their answers have been empty words and hot air. Notice in verse 4 that Job says that he could pile up words against them and shake his head at them like they have done to him. Instead, Job says he would strengthen and encourage them with his words, giving them comfort, rather than tearing them down. By contrast we read about a man in the New Testament named Barnabas. However, the name his parents gave him was Joseph. But the apostles called him “Barnabas” because that name meant “son of encouragement.” He was such an encourager that the apostles had to call him that instead. Our goal for this lesson is to look at how we can be encouragers to those who suffering rather than miserable comforters. In the last lesson we looked at how the friends gave some bad answers to Job. Now we are going to see what Job thinks about the kind of comfort these friends have given to him.
Withhold Kindness
One of the early complaints that Job has about his friends is that they are withholding kindness from him. You will notice in Job 6:3 that Job admits that some of his words of have been impulsive or rash. But you will notice that he asks if he does not have a right to cry out, to grieve, and to hurt. An animal will not cry out when it has fresh grass (cf. Job 6:4). But Job is hurting and is not satisfied so how can he not cry out! Now listen to what Job proclaims next:
He who withholds kindness from a friend forsakes the fear of the Almighty. (Job 6:14 ESV)
Job begins by saying that he just needed some kindness from his friends. He just needed them to show him some compassion during his pain. Think about the weight of what Job says. When you withhold kindness from your friend, you are rejecting the fear of the Lord. This should be obvious to us as Christians. There is no situation in which we are allowed to be unkind. The fruit of the Spirit is joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Did you notice that half of these are kindness, goodness, and gentleness? Job is saying that he just needed some kindness. Then he challenges his friends that they do not have the fear of the Lord when they are failing to be kind.
The one who is at ease holds calamity in contempt and thinks it is prepared for those whose feet are slipping. (Job 12:5 CSB)
Notice in Job 12:5 that Job makes the observation that those who are at ease mock those who are suffering. It is easy to look down upon those who are experiencing misfortune. I believe that we sometimes are so intent on trying to figure out the reason why someone is suffering so we can think that something like that would never happen to us. Once we figure out that it would never happen to us, then we show contempt upon those who are going through such difficulties. Why do we lose kindness and compassion when people are suffering? Why do we elevate ourselves and feel better about ourselves when others are hurting? I want to challenge us to realize that we have forsaken the fear of the Almighty when we withhold kindness from our friends.
Use Empty Wisdom
Another way to be a miserable comforter is to give empty words and common cliches. Listen to how Job ends his speech in chapter 21.
“How then will you comfort me with empty nothings? There is nothing left of your answers but falsehood.” (Job 21:34 ESV)
The friends say many things that are unhelpful, untrue, or just common answers that truly do not help. Job tells his friends that you cannot comfort me with empty words. You hear Job quote one common empty nothing in Job 9:27-28.
If I say, ‘I will forget my complaint, I will put off my sad face, and be of good cheer,’ I become afraid of all my suffering, for I know you will not hold me innocent. (Job 9:27-28 ESV)
It looks like the friends are telling him to just give up your complaint and be happy. Turn that frown upside down. Put on a happy face. Don’t worry, be happy. Fake it till you make it. Job says that he could do this but that is not going to help. He still is in dread of his suffering and knows his friends will continue to be unhelpful and condemn him. Job says that he can smile but that does not mean he is okay. It is somewhat surprising and even shocking how much empty wisdom our world offers to those who are hurting or suffering. We have a staggering amount of cliches that are somehow great wisdom for life. I would like to meet the person who said, “Time heals all wounds” and ask them what wound they had when they said this. Starting sentence with “at least” also is empty and does not help with the pain. Just because something could have been worse does not mean that it is any less painful today. Job’s pain comes from the pain that these friends are inflicting on him with their empty nothings that they are using toward him.
Fail to Give The Encouragement You Would Want To Hear
Job makes another important observation that these friends are not giving the kind of comfort and encouragement that they would want to hear if they were suffering. Look at what Job says in Job 16.
Then Job answered: I have heard many things like these. You are all miserable comforters. Is there no end to your empty words? What provokes you that you continue testifying? If you were in my place I could also talk like you. I could string words together against you and shake my head at you. Instead, I would encourage you with my mouth, and the consolation from my lips would bring relief. (Job 16:1-5 CSB)
Not only does Job note their empty words again but he also says what he would have done if their places were reversed. Job says that he would encourage with his mouth and his life would bring relief. Here is what Job is saying. Why are you not doing what you would want someone to do for you? Why are you not offer the words that you would want to hear if you were going through this situation? This is exactly what Jesus taught us to do. It is even such a famous teaching that it is called the golden rule.
So whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets. (Matthew 7:12 ESV)
Being an encourager means that we will think about what we would want said to us in this moment. Being an encourager means that we will think about what we would want done for us in this moment. Do not just say words or do something. Think carefully about what you would wish for you if you were in the same circumstance. When my friend was going through a really traumatic time many years ago, my friend just wanted to hear that what he was going through was terrible. Why do we think we need to help the person pretend that things are not that bad? They are that bad. Admit it. This is a terrible situation and we can encourage by not resisting against the way others feel.
Be A Barnabas
I would like to put before a goal of being a Barnabas in this church. Be a person who can be relied upon as an encourager. Be someone who stirs up others to love and good works (cf. Hebrews 10:24). We can practice encouragement by practicing simple kindness. Focus on saying kind words and think about what simple acts of kindness can be done toward one another.
Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body. (Proverbs 16:24 ESV)
It is amazing how thoughtful words can have such a powerful impact on each other. We can easily forget that we can do so much good by being kind and authentic with each other, especially when we are going through trials.
Further, some of the best encouragement we give is by being good listeners. James taught that we are to be slow to speak and quick to listen (cf. James 1:19). But we are tempted to do the opposite, being quick to speak and slow to listen. Knowing that someone is listening to you is a great encouragement. Think about how you do not like it if you were speaking to a medical professional and that person does not seem to be listening to you as you try to explain what is wrong. We can so easily do this to each other, not hearing what other people are expressing. There is a popular phrase today about just “wanting to be seen.” I believe this idea is simply wanting to be acknowledged and heard, rather than feeling invisible. No one should feel invisible as God’s people. We are the family of Christ and an encourager listens to what is being told to them.
Finally, we encourage by doing to others what we wish they would do for us. Would you want your pain to be dismissed? Would you want someone to give you platitudes or cliches? Would you want to hear empty words or meaningless wisdom? What would you want done for you when you were feeling low? Say those words and do those things for each other and by doing so we show the love of Christ for one another.