We have been looking at the teachings of Ecclesiastes to learn how to not waste the time of our lives that God has given to us. As we have noted sometimes the book of Ecclesiastes is misunderstood to be saying that everything is meaningless. But as we carefully look at Ecclesiastes 4 we will see that this is not at all the case. In chapter 4 the teacher is going to explain to us that there are some things that matter. There are some things that have meaning and importance. The problem is that we forfeit these things for the things in life that are futile. Open your copies of God’s word to Ecclesiastes 4:4-16 and we are going to learn about relationships.
Foolish Motivations (Ecclesiastes 4:4-6)
The teacher begins by noting one of the wrong reasons to work hard. In Ecclesiastes 4:4 the teacher observes that many are motivated to work because they are jealous of what other people have. They look at life as a competition to see if you can have as much or more than what your neighbors have. We call this “keeping up with the Joneses.” We think we should be able to have what they have. So if you see someone with a new car, well then we think we need a new car. If someone gets a new phone, then we need a new phone. We are jealous with equality. We want to have because they have it. Now the teacher has already explained why this is futility. Having what someone else has does not provide lasting joy and satisfaction because someone else will always have more than us. Further, none of these things that we are working for are going to last. They all disappoint. They all break. Nothing that we get has a lasting value. But here is the problem: we work hard because we want more. We work extra hours just to have more money or more stuff. We will delude ourselves into thinking that we working extra hard and long hours because we are providing for our families. But this is not the truth if we are honest. If we were in a moment of honesty we would admit that we are already provided for and we are working extra because we want more. We want the better, the newer, the shinier, and the extra. He will explain why this is great emptiness in a moment.
But in verse 5 he turns his attention to the other side of the coin. Some people wisely look at all of our labor and toil in this life and think it is foolish. But then they draw the other extreme conclusion. Rather than working hard till we die, we are not going to work at all. We are going to fold our hands and rest. We are not going to work. We are going to do nothing. But notice what he says happens if you do not work. You do not eat. The idiom that you “eat your own flesh” means you have nothing to eat. This is an important principle that God has put forward throughout his covenants. You will not eat if you do not work. God’s great motivation to make us work is to make us hungry. Notice the command the apostle Paul says he taught when he was in Thessalonica:
For even when we were with you, we would give you this command: If anyone is not willing to work, let him not eat. (2 Thessalonians 3:10 ESV)
So these are the two foolish extremes: working so hard because you want to have the most and not working at all. Look at the proper perspective in verse 6. It is better to have one handful with rest and quietness than to have two handfuls of labor and effort as you are pursuing the wind. Don’t stop working but stop working so much. Work enough to have quietness and tranquility. Work enough to enjoy rest. Why have two handfuls trying to catch the wind? There is deep value in contentment. Now the teacher is going to show us why this balance of having one hand of quietness is so important. Look at Ecclesiastes 4:7-12.
Valuing Relationships (Ecclesiastes 4:7-12)
The teacher begins by describing a person has no one else in his life. He is all alone. You will notice that this person works and works, but he has no one in his life and he is not satisfied with all of his wealth he has gained from that work. What is the point of money and possessions if you do not have it to share with anyone? What is the point of having anything if you do not have friends or family or relationships with whom you can share? Now the teacher is not saying that the single life is bad. But he is showing us that relationships are more important than wealth. We are built for relationships. We need each other. We need people in our lives (cf. Ecclesiastes 4:9-12). We like to pretend that we are self-sufficient and do not want anyone or need anyone. But what is the point of all your labor and all your efforts if you have no one to enjoy the fruit of your labor?
Friends, this is a really big warning that God is making to us. What is the point of losing your family because you decided to work a couple extra hours? What is the purpose of losing relationships with friends and family because you spend so much time at work? Now we think we are not forfeiting our relationships when we are striving with two hands for the wind. But you are not home because you are at work. You are not at worship and bible studies because you are at work. Then you wonder why you do not have anyone in your life. We are showing people what is more important when we spend our time at work. Yes, we have to work. But do we need to work as much as we think? Are we deceiving ourselves into thinking that we need to put in all this time at work, that we are so needed, and so important to work that we have to do it? The teacher says in the meantime you are destroying your relationships. You are not going to have a family who cares about you because you have shown that you do not care about them. You are not going to have friendships because you have shown that you do not care about others. You care about money. You care about work. You think you are important. How many of us have quit work thinking, maybe even hoping, that your work is just going to collapse without you because you are so important? Did it happen? No, it didn’t. Maybe things at work were not as smooth because you were not there. But you are just a replaceable cog in the wheel. You are not important at work. But you are important when it comes to relationships. But we place our families on the altar to work a little more.
I cannot tell you how many stories I can tell you of people I knew who had no one in their lives because of their selfish decisions. Some of the people that I could tell you about were part of this church. One older lady did not have a memorial prepared when she died because she knew no one would come and she had daughters. Sometimes we can look at the kids and think they are so terrible for not wanting to be around their aging parents. But ask yourself what those parents did so that their children have no interest in being around them, even when they are dying. I can tell you about a man who died and he had a funeral at the funeral home. One circle table was set up and there were seven of us who sat at it, talking about his life. A couple extended family members who lived in the area came, a couple people from church, and a neighbor came to this “funeral.” You know what everyone said in the circle? He was really hard to get along with. The neighbor said he was a real jerk, and he was supposedly a Christian.
There is a deep sadness of having no one in your life because of your life decisions. What do you have to show for ruining your relationships so that you can be at work a little more? Your kids will grow up and want to have nothing to do with you. Your spouse will grow apart from you and stay in the marriage out of obligation rather than love. No one will want to be around you or do anything with you. Who cares if you have enough to take a trip if no one wants to be with you on the trip? Who cares if you can buy a fancy car if no one wants to sit beside you in it? Who cares if you are successful but the only thing people can think about you is what a terrible person you were? Who cares if you have all the toys in the world and there is no one there who will share it with you. It is all because of your selfish decisions you destroyed every relationship God blessed you with in your life. Do you think your children will be grateful because you were never home but they had the toys you provided? Or do you think your children will be grateful because you made sacrifices to be with them rather than choosing to be away from them?
Who is going to be there for you when you fall down if you destroy your family relationships and your church relationships? Listen to verse 10. Pity the person who falls without another person to lift them up. There will be times in your life where you will need help. There are times in your life when you will need relationships. There are times in your life when you will need people to come along and walk beside you. There are times when you are going to wish that you had made friends and preserved your family. Look at the end of verse 8 again. What is the point of working hard if all you will do is lose relationships because of selfish decisions? You will lose it all and no one will be there for you when you are in need.
Wisdom Over Wealth (Ecclesiastes 4:13-16)
The chapter ends with a call to wisdom. Better to be a poor but wise youth than to be an old, rich foolish king. Wealth is not better than relationships and wealth is not better than listening to wisdom. Wisdom is better without wealth than having wealth without wisdom. You are replaceable in this world and no one is going to remember you (cf. Ecclesiastes 4:14-15). Listen to verse 16. There is no end of the people who have come before you and no end of people who will come after you. You are not that important. Stop acting like you are. The world will simply move on without you.
The Challenge
So here is our challenging question so that we do not waste our lives. What are you doing to destroy relationships in the name of work and wealth? I will ask this question another way. What is your motivation for working hard and building wealth? Are you trying to keep up with everyone else? Are you trying to fill the hole in your life because you are choosing to not be content with what you have? Are you trying to make much of yourself, acting like you are so important to this career you have? Friends, work will always be there. People will not always be there. Your family will not be there later. Your friends will not be there later. Do not sacrifice your relationships on the altar of success, achievement, pride, or wealth. It is better to have one hand full with people in your life than to have two hands full of wind. You have two hands of stuff but no one will care what you have achieved.